3-27-10 Gone to his Eternal Reward

Dad died Thursday, 3-25-10 at 9:21 p.m. Linda and I were privileged to be with him his final hours. The memorial details are as follow:

• Viewing: Friday April 2 from 1:00 - 6:00 pm at Mills and Mills Funeral Home and Memorial Park, 5725 Littlerock Road SW, Tumwater, WA 98512
• Family Graveside (Placing of the Urn): 10:00 a.m. Saturday April 3 at Mills and Mills
• Memorial Service: Saturday April 3 at 11:00 at Mountain View Church of the Nazarene, 940 Israel Road SW, Tumwater, WA 98501

Memorial Gifts: Please Donate to the Jesus Film in memory of mom and Dad. You can donate directly at http://www.jesusfilm.org/ or leave a card at the church at the memorial.

If you are considering flying in to attend the services, please contact me to get a Discount Reference Number.

So, Wednesday was the best day he had had in a long time, as far as communicating and knowing who i was (at least initially). Then Thursday i got a call around 1:00 p.m. saying i should come soon. He had had a good morning, eating a good breakfast with very little assist. At noon, he began his lunch OK but soon his caregiver looked over to see he was slumped over and turning blue. The hospice nurse was there visiting another patient and came to assist. They got him straightened up and breathing and he seemed OK. She left about 12:30 and at 12:40 he slumped and became unconscious; apparently suffering a major stroke. He never regained consciousness but was initially uncomfortable. The hospice nurse ordered an End of Life Medication Kit and I administered the morphine and lorazapam according to the instructions.

Eventually the comfort medications began to take full effect and he soon looked very peaceful. Then, his breathing became apneic, meaning he started having long spells between his breaths. First they were 6-10 seconds apart. Then the gaps became 30, then a minute. After only a few of those, he peacefully breathed his last. After a long day, from 12:30 until 9:21 p.m., his battle was over, and he was reunited with mom and the Lord.

Reflections over the last few weeks:

It has been interesting to see how this has all progressed so quickly over the last couple of months. I had been thinking he might be a good hospice candidate because of his frequent falling. Then Ken and Connie suggested the same. I scheduled a pre-hospice assessment appt. with his doctor. She didn't think he was ready but thought the assessment would set a good baseline for further evaluation. (Incidentally, she called me personally the day after Dad's death to express her condolences and even said, "I loved that man". She had only been his doctor since they moved down from Olympia a couple of years ago, yet endeared himself to her that much. I was pretty amazed at her comment.) Hospice did the assessment and enrolled him on the spot on February 27th. Then, a week or so later, the hospice nurse saw him at one of his better moments and said she doubted that he really qualified for hospice but would keep him for 6 weeks to see how he was doing. How thing change!

When mom died Dad was already well connected at Fisher's Landing and was very happy there but due to his wandering off sight and not knowing how to get back, they needed for us to find a new place, so we moved him in December of 2009. Hoodview is a really nice place, with a very caring Christian woman owner, Luba. But Dad found the transition hard. The usual careprovider in the home is not as engaging as Luba and did not provide the same nurturing and tender care Dad experienced at Fisher's Landing. We have had a practice, since mom died, of taking Dad out to eat or to our house every Sunday after church. A couple of months ago, for 3 or 4 Sundays, Dad would say "I would like to have a private place to talk after we eat." The first time was in regards to the care he was getting that was not as nurturing as he was accustomed to. We explored that with Luba and the other caregiver extensively and saw significant improvement.

Then Dad's Sunday discussions focused on life review (something people often do in their final weeks and months) as he reflected and grieved his pre-christian days. Unfortunately, as is common with dementia of various kinds, Dad was experiencing his memories as if he was actually back in those sinful days and i eventually began praying for forgiveness in the present tense instead of trying to tell him that was all taken care of in the past. That helped him and he moved on. The next Sunday it was assurance of salvation and even questions of whether the Bible was true. Scriptures and old hymns of the church alleviated his angst.

Soon one day in his room he greeted me with concern about "the kids". I soon guessed he was expressing his concern for the souls of his grandkids. We began to pray for each of them by name, first for Hugh's and then on down the line. It was an incredibly precious time. Then soon after that, Linda and i were again in his room and he wanted to pray. The three of us encircled in a prayer huddle and prayed again for his kids and grandkids. When we finished, he dismissed us and before we could get out of the room, he had knelt by his chair and was praying again. We captured that on film and i will try to post a picture. We did a lot of scripture and hymn singing and he sang along, sometimes with gusto and sometimes only faintly. The video posted earlier on this blog captures him singing faintly along to The Old Rugged Cross. It was the last time we sang together, i imagine. That was last Sunday.

Ice cream. Maybe we should have ice-cream at the dinner after the memorial. We always had to have ice cream when he was over at our house, when i took him to doctor's appts., etc. We found his journal A Father's Legacy that he filled out. Where it asks for favorite desert he listed ice cream, to none of our surprise. If you get your choice of deserts in heaven, i bet he is checking out the best heavenly flavors!

Best to you all and may God bless this legacy of love down through the years.

Merv