5/3/10 Dream of Dad

I dreamed of Dad on Thursday the 11th of April, three weeks after his death. He was stepping out of the shower and then we were in a room, but one i cannot identify as any specific place i've been. By this time he was fully dressed, though there was no dressing done. Like so many dreams, the details seemed real and normal, not out of place or awkward, like seeing him step out of a shower might normally be perceived. I noticed that Dad seemed strong and vigorous and engaging and commented on how his condition had improved since we had last been together. Then i was confused and thought, "Hum, i thought you died. But you certainly have recovered and recuouperated from your last illness quite well." After a bit, i remembered clearly his death in his appartment and so wondered if he was really alive. I made some comment to him and touched him on his shoulder to confirm that he was real and not an apparation. He smiled knowingly, once he saw that i realized he had died and was just paying me a visit. It seemed that we had a short exchange of some sort, then he stepped out into the hallway and left. As he left, he said with a smile, "You'll see _________ in a few days," and was gone. When i awoke, i wondered if he was saying he would see him a few days, but three weeks later i still have heard no word about this other person.

CORRECTION ON DATE

Correction on Date of Memorial Service: I had posted the Memorial to be on Friday, April 3, but there is no such date. Please note the services will be

Saturday, April 3

Family Placing of the Urn, 10:00 at Mills and Mills Funeral

Memorial Service 11:00 at Mountain View Church of the Nazarene

3-29-10 Lodging Arrangements

If you are traveling in to the Olympia area to attend the Memorial, you can access a good discount at the Guesthouse Inn, Tumwater, WA off I-5 at Exit 101 (not to be confused with the Hyw 101 exit a couple of miles north). Call 360-943-5040 and mention the Friberg Funeral. They have a nice Deluxe Breakfast as well.

3-27-10 Gone to his Eternal Reward

Dad died Thursday, 3-25-10 at 9:21 p.m. Linda and I were privileged to be with him his final hours. The memorial details are as follow:

• Viewing: Friday April 2 from 1:00 - 6:00 pm at Mills and Mills Funeral Home and Memorial Park, 5725 Littlerock Road SW, Tumwater, WA 98512
• Family Graveside (Placing of the Urn): 10:00 a.m. Saturday April 3 at Mills and Mills
• Memorial Service: Saturday April 3 at 11:00 at Mountain View Church of the Nazarene, 940 Israel Road SW, Tumwater, WA 98501

Memorial Gifts: Please Donate to the Jesus Film in memory of mom and Dad. You can donate directly at http://www.jesusfilm.org/ or leave a card at the church at the memorial.

If you are considering flying in to attend the services, please contact me to get a Discount Reference Number.

So, Wednesday was the best day he had had in a long time, as far as communicating and knowing who i was (at least initially). Then Thursday i got a call around 1:00 p.m. saying i should come soon. He had had a good morning, eating a good breakfast with very little assist. At noon, he began his lunch OK but soon his caregiver looked over to see he was slumped over and turning blue. The hospice nurse was there visiting another patient and came to assist. They got him straightened up and breathing and he seemed OK. She left about 12:30 and at 12:40 he slumped and became unconscious; apparently suffering a major stroke. He never regained consciousness but was initially uncomfortable. The hospice nurse ordered an End of Life Medication Kit and I administered the morphine and lorazapam according to the instructions.

Eventually the comfort medications began to take full effect and he soon looked very peaceful. Then, his breathing became apneic, meaning he started having long spells between his breaths. First they were 6-10 seconds apart. Then the gaps became 30, then a minute. After only a few of those, he peacefully breathed his last. After a long day, from 12:30 until 9:21 p.m., his battle was over, and he was reunited with mom and the Lord.

Reflections over the last few weeks:

It has been interesting to see how this has all progressed so quickly over the last couple of months. I had been thinking he might be a good hospice candidate because of his frequent falling. Then Ken and Connie suggested the same. I scheduled a pre-hospice assessment appt. with his doctor. She didn't think he was ready but thought the assessment would set a good baseline for further evaluation. (Incidentally, she called me personally the day after Dad's death to express her condolences and even said, "I loved that man". She had only been his doctor since they moved down from Olympia a couple of years ago, yet endeared himself to her that much. I was pretty amazed at her comment.) Hospice did the assessment and enrolled him on the spot on February 27th. Then, a week or so later, the hospice nurse saw him at one of his better moments and said she doubted that he really qualified for hospice but would keep him for 6 weeks to see how he was doing. How thing change!

When mom died Dad was already well connected at Fisher's Landing and was very happy there but due to his wandering off sight and not knowing how to get back, they needed for us to find a new place, so we moved him in December of 2009. Hoodview is a really nice place, with a very caring Christian woman owner, Luba. But Dad found the transition hard. The usual careprovider in the home is not as engaging as Luba and did not provide the same nurturing and tender care Dad experienced at Fisher's Landing. We have had a practice, since mom died, of taking Dad out to eat or to our house every Sunday after church. A couple of months ago, for 3 or 4 Sundays, Dad would say "I would like to have a private place to talk after we eat." The first time was in regards to the care he was getting that was not as nurturing as he was accustomed to. We explored that with Luba and the other caregiver extensively and saw significant improvement.

Then Dad's Sunday discussions focused on life review (something people often do in their final weeks and months) as he reflected and grieved his pre-christian days. Unfortunately, as is common with dementia of various kinds, Dad was experiencing his memories as if he was actually back in those sinful days and i eventually began praying for forgiveness in the present tense instead of trying to tell him that was all taken care of in the past. That helped him and he moved on. The next Sunday it was assurance of salvation and even questions of whether the Bible was true. Scriptures and old hymns of the church alleviated his angst.

Soon one day in his room he greeted me with concern about "the kids". I soon guessed he was expressing his concern for the souls of his grandkids. We began to pray for each of them by name, first for Hugh's and then on down the line. It was an incredibly precious time. Then soon after that, Linda and i were again in his room and he wanted to pray. The three of us encircled in a prayer huddle and prayed again for his kids and grandkids. When we finished, he dismissed us and before we could get out of the room, he had knelt by his chair and was praying again. We captured that on film and i will try to post a picture. We did a lot of scripture and hymn singing and he sang along, sometimes with gusto and sometimes only faintly. The video posted earlier on this blog captures him singing faintly along to The Old Rugged Cross. It was the last time we sang together, i imagine. That was last Sunday.

Ice cream. Maybe we should have ice-cream at the dinner after the memorial. We always had to have ice cream when he was over at our house, when i took him to doctor's appts., etc. We found his journal A Father's Legacy that he filled out. Where it asks for favorite desert he listed ice cream, to none of our surprise. If you get your choice of deserts in heaven, i bet he is checking out the best heavenly flavors!

Best to you all and may God bless this legacy of love down through the years.

Merv

3-24-10 Always Something New

I visited Dad yesterday and today and found quite a change between the two days. Yesterday, it was all Tanya and i could do to get a few bites down him. He was all slumped over and resistant to being set up so we could feed him. Only by moving him to a recliner were we successful in getting food down him. I could not understand a single word he said the entire hour and a half i was there. Today, he was sitting up much straighter and actually engaged in conversation for a while, greeting me by name when i arrived. He agreed that sitting out on the deck in the sun would be nice so i wheelchaired him out and we visited. I asked if he was aware on other days when i could not understand him. He said yes. I asked if it was frustrating to him when he could not be understood. "Sure," was his reply. He didn't initiate much so i talked about my day a while and tried to engage him. Over a short time he began to fade and slump. Soon i could barely understand him. Eventually he said something about needing to go somewhere. Then he walked the wheelchair back about a foot and said i should take the car to Merv's. Ha! Don't know who i had become in his mind by then! He then said we should go in, that he was getting tired. I suggested that i could stay a bit longer but he reasserted that it was time to be wheeled in. When i took him in, he wanted me to park his chair in the TV room. Now that was a switch as he has typically not wanted to be in the TV room when family has been with him. Maybe he still thought i was someone else. Funny. I guess it would be fair to say there is always something new when i head over to see him. Until later ... Merv

3.21.10 Gpa & Merv "The Old Rugged Cross"

3-21-2010 Commendation

I sent in my Annual Pastor's Report today and gave an update on Dad. Jan Green, from the District Office, wrote back these words:

I'm sorry to hear about your father, sorry for you, not him. I'm sure he's ready to be wtih Jesus and yhour mom. God bless you in these last days... You were given a great heritage from the faithfulness of your parents. I always enjoyed seeing them at district assemblies and commiserating with your mother on the phone about all the work we both had to do to prepare for our events in the weeks leading up to NMI Convention and Assembly. I'll be praying for the entire Friberg famiuly during this time.